after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
