so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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