tell your sister to shave her snatch
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
