time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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