remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
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I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
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I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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