so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
