I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Floor bacon is actually really good
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
