Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
