I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
