i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I cannot find my penis.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
