if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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