ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
