the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Even my vagina gasped.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
