He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
