she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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