No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
