someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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