Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
