THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
