no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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