I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
