How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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