I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
