Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We are two peas in an std pod
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
