Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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