my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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