Jerry, you need to find god
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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