did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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