How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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