i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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