i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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