I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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