Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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