They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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