8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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