I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
