I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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