If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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