The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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