i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
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Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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