Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
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He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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