I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
