omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
