You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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