One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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