member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
