were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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