"it" just moved
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
