you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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