Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I enjoy the company of your penis
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
