You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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