I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
