wanna go halves on a baby?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
