I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
