i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
