dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
