yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
