Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
