They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
