Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
