When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
