who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
