I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Let's get the cat blown out
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
