It's like God shit irony all over that family
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
ttyl tear gas
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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