worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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