Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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