Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
