dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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