First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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