fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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