Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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