i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
