Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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