It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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