Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
