Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
