Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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