oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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