He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
