I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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